22 months

I'm starting a new chapter of my life tomorrow.  It's the orientation for my school.  And to be honest, I'm terrified, because I can't fuck this up.  As of tomorrow, I have 22 months until I'm happy and safe in Berlin with Jonna.

At the moment, I'm watching the Oscars pre show and I'm sitting here thinking of what I'd wear if I were to ever grace the Red Carpet and I've come up with it.   I would wear an original by Pia!  If she'd have the time to make it.  But if not then either something vintage, like Valintino, or Channel, or Vera Wang.

 

MEH!

I hate not having a car in a city where I couldn't get anywhere by walking.  Mom and Sally are out, Jonna and Pia are out.  And I'm sitting under the covers because I'm cold, doing my new favorite thing, looking for 1-2 room a apartments in Berlin.  It's actually really helpful.

I have this map on my desktop

I don't know if you can read it, but it shows the districts in Berlin.  I think I have them down.  Now I'm looking for a good S and U bahn map so I can study that as well.  

Adventures in the Kitchen

Tonight I made dinner.  Roasted chicken backed in a pan with a full stick of butter melted over it!  And a roasted onion with a fresh made mayo with garlic and thyme.  And in the words of Nadia G from Bitchin Kitchen, it was freakin' amazing!  I mean, I roasted an entire chicken, ME!  I've never done that before.  I feel very good tonight!

Not to mention I found a really great wine.  Very crisp and clean.

It's been a very good day so far.  No problems with possible freakouts.  Now I'm just waiting for Jonna to wake up and it will be a good night.

ARGH

I'm 29 fucking years old and I can't seem to figure out how to be a real adult!  I'm not looking to be boring or THAT kind of adult.  But I can't fucking be approved for a god damned credit card.  I need credit.  I have NO credit.  Not even BAD credit.  I'm like void of credit.  I'm just so fucking tired of being told NO in my life that now it's like the rest of the world is telling me I've spent all this time playing at being an adult that now that I want to be some kind of a real adult the financial world is telling me FUCK YOU!  You'll never own a god damn thing so just deal with it now.

ok so...

I did my financial aid stuff today and I'm able to get 5500 of basically free money for school.  But my school costs 17,000.  So I need to get a fucking loan for the other 11,000.  I really didn't want to go into debt until I had to.  But then again I guess this is the time I have to.  And I am pre approved for a low interest loan.  Mamma and I are talking to the people at the school about what bank I need to take my loan out with.

It just kinda makes it real, you know?  Once i started thinking about having to take out a loan for this class makes it real.  I can't fuck this up.  I can't.  And I won't!.

Crap I Forgot To Take Pics!

I cooked twice today and i forgot to take pics!  I make Pumpkin Pie Custards and Lemon Caper Chicken.  Well, anyway they were both very good.

It snowed today.  It was fun to watch people freak out and not know what to do, as it doesn't snow here very often.  They are closing schools tomorrow I think!  Crazy, huh?  But watching the snow makes me miss home.  I miss Jonna, The Bubba, being free.

But you know what, I have 1 year 11 months.  I can do it

The Plan Is Coming Along...

Today, mamma and i went to the Toni and Guy hairstyling academy and let me tell you, I SO want to go there.  It looks like so much fun and hard work and JUST what i need to get my life on track.  I never wanted to fit in with a group of people but it's kind of nice to not feel odd about being the black sheep in the room.

I'm trying something new this week.  I am trying to have fun happy color in random places.  Like right now, I have bright yellow nail polish and it's just happy.

Also I'm trying to get over this anxiety thing happening when I try to fall asleep.  I know where it's coming from, but talking with Jonna before i go to sleep helps.  I just can't always do it, is the thing.  But i'll figure it out.  Maybe if i start walking/jogging on the treadmill?